Welcome Distance

Last March he departed. He is destined to work somewhere in the middle of a dessert. Isolated and Lonely. I was worried about him, for his safety, for his survival. I was worried of us, the distance and time we would lose apart.

But it seems otherwise.

its not him i'm really worried about its my life without him, could I survive? Could I stand his lessen effort to communicate? Could I wait for another two years of undetermined future for us? Terrified of my own answer I learn how to slowly live with it. On his first weeks on foreign land he constantly keep in touch with me until suddenly his message came from daily to once a week to barely. And so my fear began to grow persistent what if he forgets?

I can't be forever waiting and crying in my desolate room. I have to learn the ropes of this long distance whatever you call it thing. Determined to keep myself back to the norm I spend most of my time lost in front of my laptop browsing. Stalking his fb page for updates but to no avail. Each day passed without signs of him of which surprisingly I didn't find annoying anymore. More like I've gotten used to his absence, with less message which used to infuriate me, that is now lesser than my usual tendencies to check on my phone every hour. I just have no choice but to live with it. As communicating is our only reliable connection from miles apart losing it has been a great deal of issue to me and then just like that I heap yelp and let go. Trusting is always a better option since.

Days turn into weeks to months I barely notice he's been there for a year already. If there is a change brought by our distance is that it made me stand firm on my faith. The only thing that since I hold on to. My strengthen spiritual relationship with God saved me from torment of sadness and weakness. I worked on it until I'm able to stand through sadness brought by being alone and dusted worry thoughts. I realized I already overcome my fear of him away.

Somehow this distance between us became the answer to my nagging questions. I exceeded expectation of my self on his regard. We may be apart and yet it brings us the space we needed to grow separately.

In his absence I found myself. I'm still a work in progress but I know slowly I will find my path and this is the beginning of my way back whole.